2/10/2026

Jesus God, I can't stop myself from using the internet and fantasy to numb myself. Please help me, stop me.

2/10/2026

My favorite meme says: You are too busy intellectualizing suffering to let the depth of your emotions move you to action.

2/10/2026

It's all futile unless the point is art.

2/10/2026

I think life is about responding really artfully and abstractly to pain.

Agency in suffering, not in that I can always change my circumstances, but that I can choose how I respond...

Life is about responding artfully to pain.

A practice, pain to art.

It gives me something to do. Something worth doing.

2/10/2026

Before, I misunderstood. Pain doesn't stop or go away, we're supposed to turn the pain (and our other emotions), into art, that's the point, to transmute our emotions, pain being the predominant one, into artistic expression. This world is a stage... haha, okay, okay, cool.

My idea of what art is has changed, more than just writing, or music, or imagery, life itself can be lived as art, in that, it is sincere, even when (and though) we try so hard not to be. It is sincere.

Pain is material to be transmuted into art. And so, when I do this or that, know that it is... contemporary dance. Knowing that whatever I do, nothing I can do, probably will ever give me the everlasting peace, bliss, and completeness I've been searching for my whole life... I try anyway (and try, and try, and try, and fight, and fight, and fight), (I can't not try, I can't not hope, why else live?). This is contemporary dance, folks, ever seen it? A little self awareness here, right?

And what's the point?

1. God sees me, He sees all this mess.

2. All I really can do, actually do, in an existential sense, is respond.

"Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation." ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

... so respond artfully, right?

3. I'm human, I'm alive, God gave me the freedom to express myself, it's a celebration of free will, of life, of humanity, of my ability to expierence the whole range of emotions, and to do so as an artist and art.

2/10/2026

This energy's got me walking in alleyways, I can't seem to rest.

2/10/2026

Transmutation: Pain & Art.

2/7/2026

Young and frustrated.

2/7/2026

Sometimes I’m not okay, I’m incomplete, and I’m in need, let me express those emotions and let me try to enjoy … the expression!

I get to pick how I express my pain and joy and all of it.

There's a lot of joy, that I've got God in my audience, and I get to be an artist.

Life is tragic and beautiful, all I can do is express myself. I get to be an artist, and art, and God is watching me.

I get to express myself however I want.

We’re all a tragically compelling art piece.

And expression (or whatever the opposite of expression is, repression? suppression?) is the only interactivity we have, so might as well.

Might as well express yourself

And why, right? Does expressing myself give me the completeness my soul craves? No, but it’s an expression of my humanity and my God given life and freedom to be.

When does someone finally say, AHH

How long do they have to pretend like this life makes sense?

Saying AHH in your language, whatever form that takes, is at least something interesting to do.

I guess that’s why it’s worth doing.

It gives my life a story.

So I don’t have to wonder what am I doing, why?

I’m expressing my pain and frustration through writing and wandering.

And hey, isn’t that fun?

Life is a tragic dance, okay go! Express yourself, the music has started… I think life is like that.

What’s the most (fun) compelling interesting artful way I can express my frustration with this unfixable problem?

People don’t go to the grocery store and belt out, I’m sad! I’m alone! What’s this life about? but maybe they should cuz it would be interesting art.

And so in practicality, that logic I guess leads me to think, hey, I’m incomplete, I’m frustrated, why should I not express that, why should I not feel that? the result is interesting art, metaphorically or literally, ya know, faced with incompleteness, how did this soul respond?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, life is tragic, in that we can’t ever really get exactly what we want (it seems like), and for that reason, we have a whole range of emotions we experience, like this dance, it’s compelling, it’s interesting, and artful.

So I’m not trying to not experience pain, or expect completeness, but instead sort of embrace the frustration of life, why can’t I feel whole, why can’t I feel happy, embracing that frustration (and the good emotions too), accepting that this life might *just be a compelling dance performance, a compelling painting, that the tragic-ness of the human experience is what makes our lives good art.

2/4/2026

Should I go to the Hearts2Hearts showcase? What's the best website to learn Korean? Should I use the textbooks I already have first? When should I work on my resume and send it back to the CalState advisor even though I don't intend to... Many questions.

What's my job? Being human. Being alive. Enjoying the freedom God gave me.

2/3/2026

Embrace

2/3/2026

2/3/2026

Embrace no escape.

2/3/2026

2/3/2026

2/3/2026

Being human over reason, love over reason, things matter almost entirely in despite of reason, a girl who'd hold my hand 10 (damn, 15 years ago now?) years ago is my reason for life even now, that guides my actions, even though that otherwise makes no (logical) sense.

I don't want to be a robot, and i'm not, God gave me life, i'm a human, i can feel all the emotions.

feeling

What else is worthwhile?

I'm like a painting, I'm better than a painting, an artistic expression.

2/3/2026

The meaning of life is to know God and be saved (by grace), then it's love, and after that, it's to be human, to expierence the full gambit of emotions, life as an aesthetic creative expression, surrender and acceptance, and even the embrace of all emotions, aesthetically expierenced.

2/3/2026

“And, indeed, this is the odd thing that is continually happening: there are continually turning up in life moral and rational persons, sages and lovers of humanity who make it their object to live all their lives as morally and rationally as possible, to be, so to speak, a light to their neighbours simply in order to show them that it is possible to live morally and rationally in this world. And yet we all know that those very people sooner or later have been false to themselves, playing some queer trick, often a most unseemly one. Now I ask you: what can be expected of man since he is a being endowed with strange qualities? Shower upon him every earthly blessing, drown him in a sea of happiness, so that nothing but bubbles of bliss can be seen on the surface; give him economic prosperity, such that he should have nothing else to do but sleep, eat cakes and busy himself with the continuation of his species, and even then out of sheer ingratitude, sheer spite, man would play you some nasty trick. He would even risk his cakes and would deliberately desire the most fatal rubbish, the most uneconomical absurdity, simply to introduce into all this positive good sense his fatal fantastic element. It is just his fantastic dreams, his vulgar folly that he will desire to retain, simply in order to prove to himself--as though that were so necessary-- that men still are men and not the keys of a piano, which the laws of nature threaten to control so completely that soon one will be able to desire nothing but by the calendar. And that is not all: even if man really were nothing but a piano-key, even if this were proved to him by natural science and mathematics, even then he would not become reasonable, but would purposely do something perverse out of simple ingratitude, simply to gain his point. And if he does not find means he will contrive destruction and chaos, will contrive sufferings of all sorts, only to gain his point!”

— Fydor Dostoyevsky. Notes from Underground, 1864.

2/3/2026

A suitable distraction from pain, an embrace of pain.

2/3/2026

By Your grace alone, Jesus, You've kept me free and clean, despite myself. You are Lord, Jesus. Thank You, always. Please never take Your grace away from me.

2/3/2026

"We no longer believe in the power of reason over life. We feel that it is life which dominates reason."

— Oswald Spengler. Politische Schriften, 1932.

2/3/2026

Irrationalism

2/3/2026

2/3/2026

2/3/2026

Purity Machine

2/3/2026

Freedom is the best distraction I can find. The best distraction I can find, to tolerate a life without you.

Life without you, can never be enough.

If I could speak to younger me, I would tell myself grace does it, remember grace, ask for grace, I'll listen now.

Finally, I've gotten the permission I've always wanted.

2/1/2026

I desire to cook a meal, not order it, nor watch a review.

2/1/2026

There's a passivity (and submissiveness) to using the internet. Instead, I want to be an adventurer.

1/28/2026

What am I doing? Working on healing my nervous system.

1/28/2026

I forgot about God's grace.

1/28/2026

By His grace, I am still a free man. Thank You Lord.

1/28/2026

Yesterday in a moment of weakness, I chose to relapse, instead of asking for God's grace. I tried to find comfort in women, instead of asking for God's grace. I am still a free man, I didn't relapse again, thank You Lord, because of Your grace.

What's the moral of the story? Always remember to ask for God's grace, and don't try to find comfort in sin, find comfort in Him.

1/27/2026

"Grace does it." All I can do is petition God: Lord, I can't stop myself, please give me Your grace, please set me free, I can't stop myself, please give me Your grace, please help me.

1/27/2026

I'm on a journey with Jesus, He's shepherding my soul with His grace. I want to take care of my soul so I don't have to suffer unnecessarily.

1/27/2026

And I quit my job. Jesus, I know You can read this, and are aware of what I'm writing. Lord, I'm asking You, please don't punish me for relapsing. Lord, I'm sorry for my sin, but Lord, please, don't punish me. Please, instead, give me Your grace. I really need Your grace. I can't not sin, by myself. I need Your grace, my Lord. Please, have mercy on me, and know, that I know, I can only do well, with your grace. Only by your grace, so please Lord, please, I'm so vulnerable right now, Lord, I'm so vulnerable right now, You could so easily destroy me, please don't... please Lord, please give me Your grace, and Your mercy. I know I can only succeed by Your grace.

1/27/2026

I relapsed today.

"We didn't become addicted in one day, so remember- easy does it."

My soul is the special thing I have. I need to take care of my soul. That's what I'll be doing.

I need grace. I can't do anything on my own. Jesus, I need Your grace, please Lord.

1/27/2026

Go on, live your life.

1/26/2026

I'm not so important that like everyone (or anyone) really cares that much what I do.

1/25/2026

Today is a good opportunity to start, and devote myself to Jesus, and K*, and nervous system rest, and reality - living life (now) the way I'd like to when we're finally together again.

1/25/2026

Jesus nervous system soulmate

1/25/2026

God is going to, God-willing, give you back to me, that's what I'm alive for. That's what's going on, everyday.

1/25/2026

"Kiss your baby." K*, I'm coming for you.

1/25/2026

Tomorrow's my first day and I'm nervous.

1/25/2026

Lord, I want her more than life.

I think about you all the time.

1/24/2026

I want you with all my heart.

1/23/2026

Okay so, I'll work for a year, save all that money, go on a trip to South Korea and Italy, and decide which of the two I like best, and then sign up to teach English in that country.

Also on the other burner, I'd like to look into asking my professors or whoever about tech internships, or work that has anything at all to do with a computer.

Thank You Jesus for this advancement. Today, more or less, I've just been given permission to live my life freely.

E, you can now live your life freely. (or at the very least, now there's a solid roadmap), thank You Jesus.

My parents think I'm mentally ill? or was that just a thing they said in the argument to... I'm not sure what to make of that. I haven't really digested that. Anyway, thank God we reconciled.

I took almost 50 thousand steps today and walked 20 miles, this advancement brings me even further. Thank You Lord. Please protect me at work, I'm afraid.

1/22/2026

My life needs a change, I need help. Lord, I really need Your help, please do something. Please, You've given me so much mercy, mercy I certainly don't deserve, please give me more.

1/21/2026

God answered my prayer today, He gave me the opportunity, and the grace, to give my Dad the Gospel. I hope he believes. I'm very grateful. Thank You Lord Jesus. Thank You Lord for saving my family.

1/21/2026

I write these things as if I have something to teach you. All I know is God's grace. All I'm trying to find is rest, a way out of this suffering. Some way to enjoy life. To not be in such friction with reality.

1/21/2026

I want what I want, sure, but by grace, I've also been shown how to enjoy the melancholy of not having, or of wanting.

1/19/2026

I need a good motivation to endure the somatic experiencing. Since it'll help my nervous system, it'll also help me interact with the girl from church better. That makes it worthwhile. Of course, if this goes well, it's grace, and if my interactions with her go well, that's grace too.

1/19/2026

So to feel my emotions, I need to sit there, with no distractions, ignore my thoughts, and instead feel the bodily sensations that arise, the discomfort, all of that. I guess that's something called somatic processing/therapy/experiencing, and it's apparently good for my nervous system. I don't need to make the sensations go away, I'm just supposed to be present and allow the feelings to be.

1/19/2026

You mean like... in real life?

1/19/2026

I enjoy the melancholy.

1/19/2026

I don't wanna sit with my wife at the coffee shop or watching the tv, let's sit at the dinner table, let's lay down in the grass.

1/19/2026

What will I want after I've been given you? I dream of sleeping in the wheat fields, in the cold.

1/19/2026

In the mean time, I think time would best be spent finding reality harmony, nervous system harmony, to be in-reality, I just am not very good at that (yet). It's all grace, anyway.

1/19/2026

There's a cute thing I can do where I decide not to buy anything (anymore), and I work, and I save all my money, with the intention being that, like the song Belinda Says, I can one day move with my wife, maybe the church girl, to the country, and have a baby. A two story house in the middle of nowhere with wheat fields. I wanna have a baby so you won't leave.

1/18/2026

"Honor your feelings."

1/18/2026

I don't feel like I have the right environment to feel my feelings. It's like, how do I just sit there and not get asked what's wrong? And even then, I really don't want to stop these distractions. I'm just grateful, by grace, I've got the right idea this time.

1/18/2026

The dynamic between hope and surrender, and feeling your emotions. I have to allow myself to sink, in order for grace to act. I have to let go of control in that sense.

Just enough hope to keep going, so little hope, that I can feel what I feel.

1/18/2026

No one's texted me in a few days to check on me. Honestly, honestly, sure it makes me sad, but I also enjoy the isolation, (from male friends). I still think about a girl. I'm sorta camping out until something happens in that arena.

I've learned that I need to face my emotions without anesthetic thinking. I think being very offline is the practical way to do that, (along with abandoning hope-so-strong-it's-faith, thinking). I just really don't wanna be offline. I tried sitting outside for like ten minutes without headphones and I couldn't stand it. It was suffocating.

I really wanna fall asleep with you.

1/18/2026

Keep enough hope, that you have still something to live for, but not so much hope that you anesthetize yourself and become numb to your (negative) emotions.

1/18/2026

I'm scared and tired.

1/18/2026

Hey, I shook your hand today, it was warm. I think you're pretty. I see you once a week, it might be less with my new work schedule. I'd like to know your name, maybe next time I'll ask you what it is.

1/18/2026

Surrender to pain. Don't try to solve anything, just be, with the pain, with the everything. "I truly am hopeless now."

1/17/2026

Submission to pain.

1/17/2026

Acceptance of pain.

1/17/2026

I'm just sorta camping out and surviving, waiting until He gives you back to me.

1/17/2026

I surrender to the pain. I surrender, I drown.

1/17/2026

I live and die with you, (and live again).

1/17/2026

God, my hope, my dream, my wish, is that You'll carry me out of this and miraculously, and generously gift me love and rest, that You'll place me where I belong and can rest and be happy. That it will finally be, when.

Lord, I surrender. Lord, I surrender. Lord, when.

1/17/2026

What's my problem?

Life feels like I'm treading water, and it's beyond tiring. I need a reason why... why I should continue, why I should be motivated, and beyond that, I need rest.

One time when I was younger, I was in love, and I felt how amazing it is/was. My hope is that God will reunite her and I. Apart from that, apart from love, I have no motivation, I have no hope, I have no great reason to keep treading. Do you sympathize?

1/17/2026

Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. (Psalm 62:8)

1/17/2026

The hope of my life is, that, I'll expierence love again, and keep it this time.

1/17/2026

Does freedom cost a hundred grand?

1/17/2026

Who will give me permission to be free and go out?

1/17/2026

I dread becoming so square. When I was a kid, I dreamt of chaos and freedom, and now, life feels like it's always going to be school... when do I get to be free? When do I get to be free? There's not even someone I'm fighting for, it all just feels like mire, life feels like a chore. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, I don't see where this is going. This isn't what I want. This isn't what I want. I want you back, you're all I hope for, and even then, I just don't have the energy. I'm tired. Is anything ever enough? I just want to sleep.

1/16/2026

I'm too tired, Jesus. I'm so tired of being alone, I want to sleep.

1/13/2026

I'm going to believe and have hope and faith, and surrender to You, Lord, and trust in Your grace. Because You exist, the world is irrational, in the best way. And because You answer prayers, things must be worth having. Lord, You of course know best. And I know I deserve nothing from You. But if I have found favor in your sight, or even if not, even if just out of your kindness and mercy and generosity: Lord, there is a girl I deeply love, and would like to spend the rest of my life with. If You're willing to make it so, please make it happen. Thank You Lord Jesus. I will pray this until it happens or you give me the grace to pray something else. Thank You Lord.

1/10/2026

Gospel flyer pdf. Because of You, I can have hope.

12/27/2025

12/25/2025

Happy Birthday Jesus. I love You.

12/21/2025

12/10/2025

I'm the kind of tired sleep doesn't fix.

12/9/2025

Need a Father? Need a Spouse? He is everything to us who need Him. My life hasn't been random. I'm not worthless. You're calling me to You. That's my life. Okay. Thank You.

12/9/2025

"The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing." (Psalm 34:10)

12/8/2025

quannic - Heavensafe

12/8/2025

Thank You Lord Jesus for answering my prayer.

12/8/2025

Reading the Bible a thousand times waiting for something to happen.

12/7/2025

"So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:8)

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)

Fate, up against your will. He will wait until, you give yourself to Him.

12/3/2025

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears." (Psalm 18:6)

12/3/2025

We are never defeated unless we give up on God.

— 𝔇𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔢𝔩 𝚟𝚜 𝔅𝔞𝔟𝔶𝔩𝔬𝔫 (@DanielvsBabylon) November 29, 2025

11/30/2025

Who is my heart relying on and for what?

11/29/2025

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I have no idea what matters. I have no dream. Nothing is within reach. I am in need of grace. We all are.

I'm lost at home. Purity matters to me.

11/29/2025

To be faithful. Lord, I'm lost. "Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42)

11/27/2025

Fear and pride are both self reliance, trusting in one's self. When we realize that God has all power, and we have none, when we learn our place, we can have humility and faith, and realize our great need for God's grace.

For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

11/27/2025

By grace, I'm passing a test I don't understand right now.

11/27/2025

I am nothing, Lord, please give me Your grace.

11/26/2025

i was going to go over there because of lust. I know He's going to reward me.

Thank You Lord Jesus for Your grace that You've given and continue to give me.

I want to go to sleep.

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. (James 1:12)

11/26/2025

I'll just hang back and watch my life play out.

11/26/2025

I'm too tired.

11/25/2025

Thank You Lord, I'm home. I'm satisfied.

11/25/2025

Grace is the secret of the world. Our total reliance on the totally powerful God. we are nothing. He is everything. He can do everything, for us even. And we can do nothing. why should we worry? Grace is God's power on us and our lives. Faith is understood then to be humility, knowing this. It answers everything and makes everything clear. I am totally reliant on the totally powerful God.

11/25/2025

Computers are evil.

11/24/2025

I feel so empty. My life is a blank.

11/22/2025

Just look at your most surface level fear, and then keep asking: and then what would happen?

Say even, my fear of not being special or not being worthy of love, then what would happen? My life would be really boring and I’d feel like there wasn’t much of a point to my existence.

God though, my relationship with Him, I’d still have that, that would be all I’d have. So maybe meaninglessness is my biggest fear. But I know life’s not meaningless, because of my relationship with God. So I don’t need to be afraid.

Easier said than done. Shine a light on your fear.

11/22/2025

My future is totally in Your hands. I have no plans.

11/22/2025

Realize your total dependency on the LORD. Oh, I need to worry?

I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. (John 15:5)

11/22/2025

Movement by reason of hunger.

You are consuming God (the only satisfactory thing), by reading the Bible, (which leads to joy), proof text (How To Find Satisfaction).

Can you not see that this is supernatural? This is how you encounter God.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. (Psalm 23:1-2)

But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. (Matthew 4:4)

Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness. (Isaiah 55:2)

For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. (Isaiah 55:10-12)

And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst. (John 6:35)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1)

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)

11/22/2025

I'm in Your hands, LORD Jesus. I've finally found what I was looking for, I found You.

11/21/2025

To bring to heart, you prayed for me.

11/20/2025

Please Holy LORD, give me Your grace, hold me upright.

11/20/2025

How do you turn a 0 to a 1? Admit you can't, and ask Jesus to.

11/18/2025

Put away my pride, My LORD, please give me your grace.

11/18/2025

LORD, I'm ill, Please save me: Mine is a mind of horrors, I have an empty heart. Jesus, please don't say: You never— Oh find me, Jesus, Oh know me, Jesus. Please my Holy LORD, My God, Oh my God, I beg You, Won't You please draw near?

11/17/2025

Zombies are real and I am one. Today I realized I'm mentally ill. I'm just hungry, I'm always so hungry. Perverse and impure. I'm always so hungry. LORD, please satisfy me.

11/11/2025

I want to, by grace, be in reality. God has freed me from addiction, now I want to be able to focus on Him, I want to be totally in reality. Why is it difficult not being stimulated? What discomfort am I running from? What part of my mind is it that needs to be soothed?

By grace, starting now, I'll do one thing at a time.

11/8/2025

To see God's light, shining on me.

11/8/2025

The secret of the world is grace. That's the secret of the world.

Every good thing is done entirely by God's grace.

Here's an interesting thing:

When people are stimulated, there's a cost. Experiencing stimulation burns vital life energy.

Energy which powers good thought, a good personality, magnetism, creativity, focus, and so on.

You need grace, in order to be, not-stimulated.

In reality, by God's grace.

I'm giving reality a real shot.

11/7/2025

Finding a sufficient and pure purpose in life, a reason to live, a reason to do anything, is consuming my heart. I don't know what I'm here for or what I'm supposed to do.

My mind is thoroughly polluted.

Every good thing is done by His grace.

If life is about loving God, where are You God? Why can't I see you with my eyes. I've seen Your effects on my life, but I wish I could see You.

I recieve Your grace. We have a relationship. By Your grace I endure this life.

I need purity. My life is brutality. I breathe fire. My mind is held upright entirely by God's grace, I'm getting dizzy. I want to throw up. There is no peace. I'll shut out the world to find You.

I need to know what I'm here for, and I need to find You. You have to connect with me, You need to be enough for me. You need to complete me.

If You care, if You wanted my entire focus, You have it. I need You. My mind is . I need You to do something. I need You here. You have to provide my life context. I need Your presence. I'm so alone. I'm empty. Where have You gone?

10/29/2025

God is in this room with me right now. He's the only One who fulfills me. I love Him. I shouldn't be a rude host.

Battle Isn't To The Swift, It's To The Ones God Loves. Today's World Is In Desperate Need For Meaning. If You Seek God, He Will Be Found. Tips for a Happy and Healthy Life.

Jesus makes us whole. Jesus makes us complete. Jesus sets us free.

When I feel like I have nothing, I put my attention on Him, and I realize, with Him, I have Everything. With Him first in my heart, my Everything will never be taken away, His love won't ever leave me or forsake me, and He is enough.

As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things. (2 Corinthians 6:10).

10/25/2025

Worshipping You is for my own good. My heart is at peace because of Your grace. It's best for me, when You have first place in my heart. You've made me whole, complete, and most of all, free indeed. With all my heart, I thank You Lord.

10/24/2025

I only need what can touch my heart, which is You, Lord. You are love.

10/23/2025

Jesus, please be with me.

10/22/2025

The purpose of my life, or the task of my life, what my life is spent doing, is, staying with the Lord, staying with Him, entirely by His grace, staying above water. Free. Entirely by His grace.

Devotion to You is my gain. It's a service, and it's worship. This is what I have, and by Your grace, what I can give: my focus.

10/21/2025

O God, who hast prepared for them that love thee such good things as pass man's understanding: Pour into our hearts such love toward thee, that we, loving thee above all things, may obtain thy promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Almighty and everlasting God, mercifully look upon our infirmities, and in all our dangers and necessities stretch forth thy right hand to help and defend us; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Grant to us, Lord, we beseech thee, the spirit to think and do always such things as be rightful; that we, who cannot do any thing that is good without thee, may by thee be enabled to live according to thy will; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

10/18/2025

The need for the Lord's grace. A dire need for the Lord's grace. There is no strategy. There is only suffering, surrender, and the reception of grace. We don't have the power to do anything. Ask Him for help

10/16/2025

I just want something to hold on to. Something permanent to say is mine. Something I can derive my identity from. I feel like I'm floating, I can't grab on to anything. It's like there's no floor beneath me. It's like I own nothing. Like I don't know who I am. I have no comfort and no soothing. I have no rest.

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." (John 14:18).

My identity is: with Jesus. Our relationship and love are what I can always hold on to. I can always talk to You. I'll always have You, and You'll always have me. Thank You Lord.

"I cried unto thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living." (Psalm 142:5).

"The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot." (Psalms 16:5).

10/16/2025

You're never really alone. I got an update about something I've been nervous about, and, whatever happens to me and my life, and I know I don't mean this 100%, because of fear, but whatever happens to me in my life, however it pans out, the real me just wants to see You, Lord. I'm okay because You're with me and I'm with You. I have You forever.

10/14/2025

I'm intrigued by the idea of hidden world rulers. I've been made to see now though, that, there's only truth in God and the Bible. The devil is a liar, and his organizations are therefore of lies, so no, no amount of studying or reasearching wicked groups and orders will ever lead to any foundational truth about the governance of this world, Psalm 2 and Ephesians 6:12 are the truth. There is no truth outside of the Word of God.

10/13/2025

I'm reading 1 Chronicles. I've decided to start this project. I hope that God is willing to make a change in my life, I just don't know what it is that I need Him to do. I know something is going to change.